8 Things that happen when you date a [fellow] writer

It's more than just sweet words of affirmation, you know

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This newsletter is my way of paying it forward and being the person I needed when I was a young(er) writer.

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What happens when you date a writer?

What happens when you’re a writer who dates another writer (or any other creative, for that matter)?

Could be a lot of drama. Ah, the artistic temperament. I mean, celebrity couplings and breakups. F. Scott Fitzgerald stealing his wife’s work. Et cetera, et cetera.

But falling in love with a writer could also mean meeting your life’s muse — an unending source of inspiration beyond just creative work.

And being with a writer has a lot of perks and quirks! Source: trust me, I’m engaged to one. :)

Paul and I got engaged at the stroke of midnight on January 1, 2025!

So just for kicks, and because it’s almost Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to share some of the things you can expect when you decide to ~commit~ to a fellow creative. ✨

Perks and quirks of dating a writer, when you’re also a writer

1. You become their muse or inspiration

You’ll get sweet messages, meaningful cards, and maybe even poems and essays written with you in mind. You might find your funny habits referenced in their video scripts. A date might inspire a social media post idea. A nonchalant expression of yours might unlock a whole slew of ideas. After all, the best creative ideas are built on real human insights.

2. You become a built-in brainstorming partner 🧠

Whether you’re a creative person or not, the writer you love will value having a collaborator for sudden brainstorming sessions. Just someone to bounce ideas off of can help with creative block, and can help ground their ideas in reality.

3. You get to see the draft before the draft 👀

Others may praise the final output, but you got to see the behind-the-scenes. You saw the hard work that went into that novel, essay, or ad. You were there when it was the “seed of the seed of the idea”. And getting to witness that process, the wheels turning in their head, the jumping through hoops to go from approval to execution to launch? It’s pretty special.

4. You get used to them working late at night, or on weekends 🤪

For those of you working in advertising (or dating someone in the field), long nights or even weekends at work can become a thing. I’m lucky right now since I work from home, and since my direct supervisors are great at having us log off at reasonable hours. But I remember my early days as a junior copywriter when I’d be at the office until 10 pm, and my boyfriend (now fiancé) would try to stay up and keep me company over Messenger. There were also a few instances when I had to work weekends, and we had to adjust our date itinerary. Nowadays, he does overtime more often, but at least it’s mostly from home.

5. You get to talk about creative work together 🥰

In our case, we sometimes share cool ads or thought leadership posts with each other. We marvel at or pick apart ads and executions we see when we’re out on drives. And since we have different tastes in literature, video consumption, and to an extent, music taste, we also get to learn new things from one another.

6. You get to see them try out other creative ventures - like coffee home brewing or putting up a Substack ✨

Whether it’s trying out a new hobby or having a new personal project, it’s always fun to see your partner dive into a rabbit hole and come up with new things to be proud of. It’s also wonderful to feel supported by your partner as you explore new passions!

Paul got into coffee home brewing over the pandemic, which means I get a ton of free drinks, a front-row seat to his brewing competitions, and we get to experience different cafés together.

Paul at a coffee brewing competition.

He’s also been incredibly supportive of my passion projects over the years — from buying me my own ukulele, gifting tea I can write about on my tea and poetry Instagram, and even inspiring me to put up my second Substack newsletter!

7. You get to see their work! 🫶🏽

It’s always a treat to see your loved one’s hard work pay off. I’ve spotted Paul’s copywriting work on social media ads, e-commerce platforms, and even billboards!

8. You either get sweet messages on special occasions - or bare-bones greetings - because words are ‘work’ and love is above that 😌

Maybe it’s because we both work as advertising copywriters and know that words can be used to spin a story. Maybe it’s because we’re in that age where posting too much on social media might be interpreted as “optics only”, “maintaining an image”, or “overcompensating” for what’s on the inside. But I’ve been blessed to receive both heartfelt messages from Paul, and experiences that tell more than words can ever say.

Now, I’m not saying you have to date writers only. Or even limit yourself to fellow creatives. There is beauty and magic in finding the person who complements you as a person — not just one aspect of who you are. And once you find your soulmate? Do the work. And write that beautiful love story together.

To wrap this up, I’d like to share something I wrote in my other newsletter, A Constant Nostalgia:

They say that to be loved is to be seen, and seeing pieces of myself lovingly reflected in his writing is surreal. It’s the kind of joy I think everyone deserves to feel, at least once.

To become someone’s muse, after pining hopelessly after another for so long?

To know that even my casual remarks can burn into someone’s brain and inspire them?

To realize that you’ve permeated not just the way someone writes, but the way they make their coffee, check on their health, talk to their boss, and more?

It makes you want to do better. And be better.

Oh, writing for the one you love is a joy. Creating something beautiful and sharing it with your muse fills your heart like nothing else.

But there are no words to describe how good it feels to have someone write words and create worlds for me, this time around.

An excerpt from The boy I used to write for...and the boy who now writes for me

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